I just want to apologize to all you real readers out there, because due to an overwhelming increase in spam content on my blog, I've added the annoying-but-trustworthy word verification for comments.
I've always hated my friends' blogs that had word verification--it's so darn annoying and time consuming--and so I held out as long as I can. But the sad truth is, I've recently had tons of spammers sending me blog comments that have nothing to with my blog. They just keep piling up in my "Comment Moderation" box and I keep having to throw them out by hand. Ugh!
In fact, I keep a blog for my vanilla life, too, and I even noticed a lot of these spammers are putting the exact same comments on ALL the blogs out there in Bloggerworld that they can. I hate spammers!
So, for all you wonderful, real, non-computerized readers who consistently put REAL comments on my blog---thank you. I really do appreciate it, and I always love getting comments. It makes me feel like my blog is being read and people are listening to little ole me. Sorry for the inconvenience....
And for you relentless spammers out there, whether you want links to porn or illegally downloading Avatar or you're trying to sell real estate: Shame on you! >:(
1/31/2010
Sub Gives Head for First Time
Hello there!
Last week I had my wisdom teeth removed---Owwwww---and I am still recuperating. I will say that BDSM has not been an option for us, given that he has to be very careful of my body and especially of my face, so slapping and choking and generally being rough are out for now. But sex is still very possible, indeed highly desirable under the influence of these drunken pain pills I am taking, which make me both drowsy and lovey-dovey/clingy. My Dom loves it! And who am I kidding? So do I. I only wish I felt this way all the time. ;)
In fact, I must say that the first day, under the effects of anesthesia that made me very loopy and drunk and clingy and lovey and all manner of un-me-like things, I gave my hubby/Dom head for the very first time! It was lovely.
You may wonder how we could be into BDSM and not give oral sex, which seems to be the staple of female submission, all the time. But the truth is, I didn't. Not until after we were married. I just wasn't comfortable yet. I've been in some bad vanilla relationships before where my introduction to the male anatomy was not conensual, joyous, and free the way it should be, but something that was forced, coerced, and pushed upon me. Needless to say, this has led to some sexual issues that make BDSM mind play very fun yet scary for us, and also to a certain reticence on my part to give my partner oral sex.
To his credit, he has been 100% caring, loving, and patient.
Yes, a Dom who didn't get orally pleasured by his sub. He didn't ask for it, didn't even mention it. If I mentioned it, he was willing and receptive to the idea, but never so enthusiastic that I got scared and drew back. He was always very careful to let me lead in his area so that I would never do something I wasn't comfortable with out of a desire to please him or a strange feeling of obligation to serve him.
Sure, BDSM play is often about pushing limits, but my Dom decided that this limit was not one he should play with. It might be scary and fun to push other limits, for example acting like a dog or a slave or giving me more pain than I want to take, but to push the "oral sex" limit would have been pshing my limits in a way that was not fun or helpful to me or to our relationship. In fact, it would have been scary, intrusive, and an abuse of the trust I'd put in him.
But slowly, as we had married sex and I got used to the feeling of sex being completely God-given, holy, bonding, and emotional for the first time in my struggling Christian life, my fear of having a penis in my mouth started to go away.
Still, it was the drugs and the anesthesia that pushed me over the edge! I wouldn't say that the drugs made me horny, but they did make me lovey and clingy to an extreme--- I spent the first few hours in a drugged haze, whimpering through my pitifully swollen jaws, "Don't leave me.... stay here with me! Where are you going?" He loved it, and honestly so did I. I know a lot of people get turned off by neediness and clinginess, but in our weirdly wonderful codependent relationship, we both like it. My Dom likes to have the control and to feel needed, and I love being able to be this annoying, vulnerable side of myself and have it not only accepted, but welcomed and appreciated, for the first time in my life.
My needy, drugged, happy self suddenly had an immense craving to touch my Dom's penis. Then, I wanted to show him I loved him by putting it in my mouth.
This was a few hours after my wisdom teeth had all been removed, mind you. I couldn't eat, and I could barely open my mouth. I went very, very slowly. It took me a while to be able to get it into my mouth, and his dick fit very gingerly. Still, it wasn't nearly as awful as I'd thought it would be---or as my past had shown me it was. His penis didn't smell, it didn't feel gross, it didn't taste gross. Instead, it was smooth and soft on my tongue, slightly salty when he oozed pre-cum into my mouth, and gloriously, beautifully hard and soft. For the first time, after a lifetime of being abused and hurt by men and their penises, a penis was my friend.
It sounds silly, but that's how I felt. I can't remember the whole thing, but I know "traditional" oral sex was absolutely not an option at that point after my surgery. I couldn't suck at all, so I busied myself with my tongue, probbing his urethra with my tongue (he actually really liked it!), sliding my tongue over the base of his cock, and feeling his smooth skin against my tongue. My poor traumatized mouth bled a little bit, but neither of us cared about the spit or the blood. I went as slowly as I wanted to, never got to a hard "face-fucking" or "deep throating" or "cock sucking" phase like most people always think is mandatory for oral sex, and just got used to the feeling of his dick. When I was ready to stop, he welcomed it. He didn't complain, he didn't ask for more, he didn't ask for sucking or deep-throating, and he didn't ask if he could come. In fact, neither of us orgasmed. It was perfect.
After I was ready to quit, he cuddled me and told me how wonderful that was and how great it felt. My ego comfortably assuaged, we cuddled and I drifted asleep some more. Then he got up and made me dinner (water, pain pills, and some chocolate milkshake) and I headed to bed.
My first GOOD experience with oral sex! Finally---a good, loving, committed man to share that with. Halelujia.
Last week I had my wisdom teeth removed---Owwwww---and I am still recuperating. I will say that BDSM has not been an option for us, given that he has to be very careful of my body and especially of my face, so slapping and choking and generally being rough are out for now. But sex is still very possible, indeed highly desirable under the influence of these drunken pain pills I am taking, which make me both drowsy and lovey-dovey/clingy. My Dom loves it! And who am I kidding? So do I. I only wish I felt this way all the time. ;)
In fact, I must say that the first day, under the effects of anesthesia that made me very loopy and drunk and clingy and lovey and all manner of un-me-like things, I gave my hubby/Dom head for the very first time! It was lovely.
You may wonder how we could be into BDSM and not give oral sex, which seems to be the staple of female submission, all the time. But the truth is, I didn't. Not until after we were married. I just wasn't comfortable yet. I've been in some bad vanilla relationships before where my introduction to the male anatomy was not conensual, joyous, and free the way it should be, but something that was forced, coerced, and pushed upon me. Needless to say, this has led to some sexual issues that make BDSM mind play very fun yet scary for us, and also to a certain reticence on my part to give my partner oral sex.
To his credit, he has been 100% caring, loving, and patient.
Yes, a Dom who didn't get orally pleasured by his sub. He didn't ask for it, didn't even mention it. If I mentioned it, he was willing and receptive to the idea, but never so enthusiastic that I got scared and drew back. He was always very careful to let me lead in his area so that I would never do something I wasn't comfortable with out of a desire to please him or a strange feeling of obligation to serve him.
Sure, BDSM play is often about pushing limits, but my Dom decided that this limit was not one he should play with. It might be scary and fun to push other limits, for example acting like a dog or a slave or giving me more pain than I want to take, but to push the "oral sex" limit would have been pshing my limits in a way that was not fun or helpful to me or to our relationship. In fact, it would have been scary, intrusive, and an abuse of the trust I'd put in him.
But slowly, as we had married sex and I got used to the feeling of sex being completely God-given, holy, bonding, and emotional for the first time in my struggling Christian life, my fear of having a penis in my mouth started to go away.
Still, it was the drugs and the anesthesia that pushed me over the edge! I wouldn't say that the drugs made me horny, but they did make me lovey and clingy to an extreme--- I spent the first few hours in a drugged haze, whimpering through my pitifully swollen jaws, "Don't leave me.... stay here with me! Where are you going?" He loved it, and honestly so did I. I know a lot of people get turned off by neediness and clinginess, but in our weirdly wonderful codependent relationship, we both like it. My Dom likes to have the control and to feel needed, and I love being able to be this annoying, vulnerable side of myself and have it not only accepted, but welcomed and appreciated, for the first time in my life.
My needy, drugged, happy self suddenly had an immense craving to touch my Dom's penis. Then, I wanted to show him I loved him by putting it in my mouth.
This was a few hours after my wisdom teeth had all been removed, mind you. I couldn't eat, and I could barely open my mouth. I went very, very slowly. It took me a while to be able to get it into my mouth, and his dick fit very gingerly. Still, it wasn't nearly as awful as I'd thought it would be---or as my past had shown me it was. His penis didn't smell, it didn't feel gross, it didn't taste gross. Instead, it was smooth and soft on my tongue, slightly salty when he oozed pre-cum into my mouth, and gloriously, beautifully hard and soft. For the first time, after a lifetime of being abused and hurt by men and their penises, a penis was my friend.
It sounds silly, but that's how I felt. I can't remember the whole thing, but I know "traditional" oral sex was absolutely not an option at that point after my surgery. I couldn't suck at all, so I busied myself with my tongue, probbing his urethra with my tongue (he actually really liked it!), sliding my tongue over the base of his cock, and feeling his smooth skin against my tongue. My poor traumatized mouth bled a little bit, but neither of us cared about the spit or the blood. I went as slowly as I wanted to, never got to a hard "face-fucking" or "deep throating" or "cock sucking" phase like most people always think is mandatory for oral sex, and just got used to the feeling of his dick. When I was ready to stop, he welcomed it. He didn't complain, he didn't ask for more, he didn't ask for sucking or deep-throating, and he didn't ask if he could come. In fact, neither of us orgasmed. It was perfect.
After I was ready to quit, he cuddled me and told me how wonderful that was and how great it felt. My ego comfortably assuaged, we cuddled and I drifted asleep some more. Then he got up and made me dinner (water, pain pills, and some chocolate milkshake) and I headed to bed.
My first GOOD experience with oral sex! Finally---a good, loving, committed man to share that with. Halelujia.
1/10/2010
Two Takes on Bondage
I'm happily listening to Katie Clarke sing "The Light in the Piazza" with a sick kitty stretched adoringly across my lap (how do they sleep with their feet touching their heads, anyway?). It's a good Sunday!
I've just found this good video from Kinky Sex Link about how to tie a handcuff bondage knot. This is really interesting for me, since my Dom and I were just talking about bondage last night in bed.
The question is, how do you handle it when the two of you have differing ideas of what bondage is?
My Dom and I have basically stopped using bondage much, because I'd often complain about the way it was done. What we discovered last night is that we have two different ideas about what makes bondage good, hot, and fulfilling.
For me, I want to be completely tied up. I don't want to be completely immobile (although there are fetishes with complete immobility bondage or body suits), but I like to be pretty tied up, for example both my wrists and my ankles and perhaps a ball gag. If I feel like some part of me can still move, I feel like I have a obligation to fight. This can get exhausting, and always ends up making me feel angry as I fight and squirm, so to have no choice but to lay back, relax, and let my husband have control is a nice change from everyday life for me, when I have to fight and work and strain and fret and worry and be in control. I like the feeling of calm and peace that washes over me when I can't fight back and can just relax. It's why I like BDSM; it gives me a reprise from everyday life.
On the other hand, my Dom prefers to not use rope or bondage tape or anything else--he likes to use his hands. It feels more intimate to him, and he feels more powerful. He says it is the fight and the subduing me with his hands that makes bondage hot for him.
Of course, this can cause problems because obviously we have two different goals from bondage sessions. If he uses his hands, it's hot for him, but it is simply impossible to completely subdue a full-grown woman with just two of your hands. If he lets go of one hand, I feel like I have to start fighting again. If he grabs my wrists I can still kick my feet. If he grabs my feet I can still squirm away. On the other hand, if he uses rope or bondage tape so I can't move, he misses the physical, hands-on aspect of it that he enjoys.
It can be difficult when you want two different things. In this case, I think the best solution is to use a little of both at different times. That way, we're both happy.... eventually.
I've just found this good video from Kinky Sex Link about how to tie a handcuff bondage knot. This is really interesting for me, since my Dom and I were just talking about bondage last night in bed.
The question is, how do you handle it when the two of you have differing ideas of what bondage is?
My Dom and I have basically stopped using bondage much, because I'd often complain about the way it was done. What we discovered last night is that we have two different ideas about what makes bondage good, hot, and fulfilling.
For me, I want to be completely tied up. I don't want to be completely immobile (although there are fetishes with complete immobility bondage or body suits), but I like to be pretty tied up, for example both my wrists and my ankles and perhaps a ball gag. If I feel like some part of me can still move, I feel like I have a obligation to fight. This can get exhausting, and always ends up making me feel angry as I fight and squirm, so to have no choice but to lay back, relax, and let my husband have control is a nice change from everyday life for me, when I have to fight and work and strain and fret and worry and be in control. I like the feeling of calm and peace that washes over me when I can't fight back and can just relax. It's why I like BDSM; it gives me a reprise from everyday life.
On the other hand, my Dom prefers to not use rope or bondage tape or anything else--he likes to use his hands. It feels more intimate to him, and he feels more powerful. He says it is the fight and the subduing me with his hands that makes bondage hot for him.
Of course, this can cause problems because obviously we have two different goals from bondage sessions. If he uses his hands, it's hot for him, but it is simply impossible to completely subdue a full-grown woman with just two of your hands. If he lets go of one hand, I feel like I have to start fighting again. If he grabs my wrists I can still kick my feet. If he grabs my feet I can still squirm away. On the other hand, if he uses rope or bondage tape so I can't move, he misses the physical, hands-on aspect of it that he enjoys.
It can be difficult when you want two different things. In this case, I think the best solution is to use a little of both at different times. That way, we're both happy.... eventually.
1/06/2010
Christian Masters vs. non-Christian Masters
Sometimes, when I write my blog, I worry that no one is reading anymore. It's kind of depressing. Or, if people are reading, I worry they're really liberal Christians (or not Christians at all) and are reading for the kink content, and then they'll be offended at the things I say. But today, I got two (two!) messages on Fetlife from strangers who had read my blog, so my Christian-kink-writing self has perked right up and been inspired to write again.
One of the only Christian AND kinky blogs I've come across (besides mine) is that of Doule, who is a different type of Christian than I am (she is Reformed Protestant, while I'm Catholic) but nonetheness a very devoted, true Christian. I enjoy her posts on Fetlife and I enjoy her blog when I have the chance to read it. I took that opportunity today, and one of her posts really made me think. Here it is:
I think this is so true of my own walk, first as a Christian woman, wife, friend, and worker, and second as a Christian who identifies with a kinky lifestyle. I talked to my husband about it after I read Doule's post, and I think this is what separates a Christian Master from any other Master, and what separates a Christian sub from any ther sub. And don't get me wrong; I've found wonderful advice and fellowship from kinky people who are many religions or no religion at all. I have no problem learning from kinksters who are not my religion, but in my relationships, I want to keep my marriage a Christian marriage first and a kinky one second.
So if you are a single, kinky Christian searching for your Master or Domme or Mistress or sub or slave? It can be hard to find someone who is also kinky (I'd say 3-10% of the population, depending on which study you read) and even harder to find someone who is a Christian kinkster (less than 20% of active BDSMers, according to an informal survey I conducted last year). But in the end, we have to believe God will send us that someone, because we are told to bind ourselves only to other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14) and we know that God is very interested in leading us to the right mate (see the stories of Isaac in Genesis 24 or Ruth and Boaz in Ruth 4). We have to trust our loving Father has our perfect spiritual, mental, sexual, and emotional mate picked out for us, and all we have to do is wait and trust (see Micah 7:7).
Back to Doule's blog. I know it is really hard to wait and wait and wait and just hope your kinky mate will happen along, and I know some Christians get really discouraged with all the waiting. I've been there! But in the end, Doule has really pinpointed the reason we wait. There is such a spiritual difference between a Christian Master and any other Master. His job is different, more challeging, and more encompassing.
A BDSM Master has to do many things: care for his sub or slave, give her emotional and physical security, lead her, help her grow into a better person, train her, work with her on past issues, punish her, reward her, be a good lover, be a strong person, make decisions for the two of them, protect his slave and their relationship from evil people or things, and a host of other responsibilities.
The Christian Master does all these things and more. Rather than doing simply what he wants, because he wants it, he must measure all his actions against the Bible and what he knows Jesus wants for his life. He has to look out for and care for his sub emotionally, sexually, physically, and mentally, but also spiritually as well, because he knows he's responsible for her spiritual welbeing when they get to heaven. He can't just make up any rules that come to his head and that make him happy; he has to make sure all his rules and regulations are in keeping with the Bible. He doesn't worry just about what he wants in the relationship, but what God wants. Is God pleased with the slave? Is God pleased with the Master? In all things, the Christian Master knows he has a higher authority than himself and that his slave does, too. He has to make sure they both stay true to that Higher Authority.
Likewise, the Christian slave (or sub) has an extra job as well. She can't give up her freedom to her master completely, because she knows she must first be obedient to God and then to her master on earth. She wants to please her earthly master and also her Heavenly One. A Christian slave also knows that her human master is not the end-all, be-all of her life. They both serve God, together. She knows that they are equal persons, or equal value and dignity, but that one of them has been given more authority--though not more worth--while on earth. And even when she doesn't really feel like submitting, she knows she should follow the directions for wives in Ephesians 5:22-24.
This isn't something I'm terribly good at yet. I'm decent at obeying God, and I have years of practice submitting to Him, but I'm a total newbie at submitting to a human man. As a newlywed, I know this will be an area I'll really struggle with: submitting to God through my Dom. It's a new job for me, and I trust my Father will be patient with me in my first struggles.
Some people on Fetlife tried to tell me that there is no difference in a Christian Master and a regular Master. They said many Christian Masters are even worse people than other Masters, and I can believe that because Christians are just humans, after all! But the ideal of a Christian Master, a Christian sub, a Christian BDSM relationship---now THAT is something truly above and beyond the norm, something special, something sacred, something new.
One of the only Christian AND kinky blogs I've come across (besides mine) is that of Doule, who is a different type of Christian than I am (she is Reformed Protestant, while I'm Catholic) but nonetheness a very devoted, true Christian. I enjoy her posts on Fetlife and I enjoy her blog when I have the chance to read it. I took that opportunity today, and one of her posts really made me think. Here it is:
I think it would be difficult, if not impossible for doule to have the same
confidence in Kyrios as she would have in Christ – an earthly Kyrios being
human, humans have human emotions and biases and blind spots.
For “doule” to have absolutely no regard and no rights, she would have to have that
full confidence that Kyrios has the exact same interests involved for her that
Christ has.
So when I write of Kyrios and doule, I write with the knowledge that both have human needs and failings.
I think of the proverbial “two-way street”. Doule serves without regard for her own
interests…but that remains possible only when she rests confidently in the full
knowledge that Kyrios bears the responsibility of regarding her interests for her.
I think this is so true of my own walk, first as a Christian woman, wife, friend, and worker, and second as a Christian who identifies with a kinky lifestyle. I talked to my husband about it after I read Doule's post, and I think this is what separates a Christian Master from any other Master, and what separates a Christian sub from any ther sub. And don't get me wrong; I've found wonderful advice and fellowship from kinky people who are many religions or no religion at all. I have no problem learning from kinksters who are not my religion, but in my relationships, I want to keep my marriage a Christian marriage first and a kinky one second.
So if you are a single, kinky Christian searching for your Master or Domme or Mistress or sub or slave? It can be hard to find someone who is also kinky (I'd say 3-10% of the population, depending on which study you read) and even harder to find someone who is a Christian kinkster (less than 20% of active BDSMers, according to an informal survey I conducted last year). But in the end, we have to believe God will send us that someone, because we are told to bind ourselves only to other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14) and we know that God is very interested in leading us to the right mate (see the stories of Isaac in Genesis 24 or Ruth and Boaz in Ruth 4). We have to trust our loving Father has our perfect spiritual, mental, sexual, and emotional mate picked out for us, and all we have to do is wait and trust (see Micah 7:7).
Back to Doule's blog. I know it is really hard to wait and wait and wait and just hope your kinky mate will happen along, and I know some Christians get really discouraged with all the waiting. I've been there! But in the end, Doule has really pinpointed the reason we wait. There is such a spiritual difference between a Christian Master and any other Master. His job is different, more challeging, and more encompassing.
A BDSM Master has to do many things: care for his sub or slave, give her emotional and physical security, lead her, help her grow into a better person, train her, work with her on past issues, punish her, reward her, be a good lover, be a strong person, make decisions for the two of them, protect his slave and their relationship from evil people or things, and a host of other responsibilities.
The Christian Master does all these things and more. Rather than doing simply what he wants, because he wants it, he must measure all his actions against the Bible and what he knows Jesus wants for his life. He has to look out for and care for his sub emotionally, sexually, physically, and mentally, but also spiritually as well, because he knows he's responsible for her spiritual welbeing when they get to heaven. He can't just make up any rules that come to his head and that make him happy; he has to make sure all his rules and regulations are in keeping with the Bible. He doesn't worry just about what he wants in the relationship, but what God wants. Is God pleased with the slave? Is God pleased with the Master? In all things, the Christian Master knows he has a higher authority than himself and that his slave does, too. He has to make sure they both stay true to that Higher Authority.
Likewise, the Christian slave (or sub) has an extra job as well. She can't give up her freedom to her master completely, because she knows she must first be obedient to God and then to her master on earth. She wants to please her earthly master and also her Heavenly One. A Christian slave also knows that her human master is not the end-all, be-all of her life. They both serve God, together. She knows that they are equal persons, or equal value and dignity, but that one of them has been given more authority--though not more worth--while on earth. And even when she doesn't really feel like submitting, she knows she should follow the directions for wives in Ephesians 5:22-24.
This isn't something I'm terribly good at yet. I'm decent at obeying God, and I have years of practice submitting to Him, but I'm a total newbie at submitting to a human man. As a newlywed, I know this will be an area I'll really struggle with: submitting to God through my Dom. It's a new job for me, and I trust my Father will be patient with me in my first struggles.
Some people on Fetlife tried to tell me that there is no difference in a Christian Master and a regular Master. They said many Christian Masters are even worse people than other Masters, and I can believe that because Christians are just humans, after all! But the ideal of a Christian Master, a Christian sub, a Christian BDSM relationship---now THAT is something truly above and beyond the norm, something special, something sacred, something new.
1/04/2010
Review: Smart Balls
The latest product I've tried are two different types of smart balls from Good Vibrations. It took me a while to get around to trying them, since the wedding and honeymoon were this month, but once the craziness of that died down I pulled them out and my hubby and I tried them.
The first, Smartballs Teneo Kegel Sex Toy, is a single ball. I liked the notch for finger placement, making insertion much, much easier. The size was good: not too big and not too small. I found I needed lube to insert the ball at all, but it came with a sample packet so that was no problem. Also, the ridges on the ball are there to increase stimulation, but once inside I really couldn't feel the ridges at all. I practiced with the ball a few times and found them really easy to do Kegels with. If you're new at Kegels, I think these small balls would be a great idea.
The second one, Smartballs, are two balls connected with a string for easy removal. Just like the single, these balls have smaller balls inside, making for interesting weight and a jingling sound. These balls were a little harder to insert because 1. there are two balls so it takes twice the space and 2. the first ball does not have the notch for your finger.
The first, Smartballs Teneo Kegel Sex Toy, is a single ball. I liked the notch for finger placement, making insertion much, much easier. The size was good: not too big and not too small. I found I needed lube to insert the ball at all, but it came with a sample packet so that was no problem. Also, the ridges on the ball are there to increase stimulation, but once inside I really couldn't feel the ridges at all. I practiced with the ball a few times and found them really easy to do Kegels with. If you're new at Kegels, I think these small balls would be a great idea.
The second one, Smartballs, are two balls connected with a string for easy removal. Just like the single, these balls have smaller balls inside, making for interesting weight and a jingling sound. These balls were a little harder to insert because 1. there are two balls so it takes twice the space and 2. the first ball does not have the notch for your finger.
The balls are both made of elastomer, are 1.25" diameter, and the only difference is if you want to practice Kegels with 1 or 2 balls. I wouldn't try these for a sex toy, because even though they provide some G-spot stimulation and are good for slow arousal, they're mostly for Kegel exercise and aren't designed to bring you to orgasm like lots of Good Vibrations toys are.
If you're not even sure what Kegels are or why they're important, let me just say that they improve your orgasms and strengthen your muscles for all sorts of important tasks like having sex and bearing children.
If Kegel smartballs aren't your thing, Good Vibrations is also having a 25% off sale on four of their luxury vibrators.... and I always like to browse their bondage and fetish section. Enjoy!
1/03/2010
A New Year and New Marriage
Happy New Year!
The wedding is over, the semester is over, and the holidays are over. What this means is, I'm happily sitting at home with some of that oh-so-rare commidity, free time, on my hands. Hurray!
My new hubby is out in the snow after church, buying paint since he painted over the wall in the wrong color. We've had some newly-married conflicts over much smaller things than that ("Why didn't your new wife make it into your Facebook status update?! Am I not as important as Cancun? Huh?!) but I am proud to say that in this situation, I was calm and collected. We have taken down the photos from the living room to put up a large piece of artwork by the genius Elizabeth Chapman (my wedding gift to my Dom) but there were still some holes in the wall. Unfortunately, he mudded and painted over them with the wrong color. Ooops.
Anyway, I have to say that married life has been nice. It's nice to light our Unity Candle before we have sex and know that now, finally, we are in a place in our lives where we can enjoy each other sexually without that guilt that comes from knowing you aren't honoring God as fully as you should in your lives. It's nice to experience orgasms and not feel like they're forbidden. Now, we're just doing exactly what God wants for married couples!
We've been talking about BDSM, although we didn't play around with it much on our honeymoon. I think my Dom wanted to, but I didn't feel comfortable enough with it since we were having "real sex" for the first time. (Yes, there are still Christians in the world who wait til marriage to have intercourse, even if we gave in to sin in other areas.) That coupled with my past sexual issues made me VERY unwilling to feel "raped", at least so far. Maybe eventually I'll get there. To my Dom, raping me vaginally sounds just as hot as raping me with his fingers or a vibrator, but I'm not there yet. And he's been very loving and patient about it.
So anyway, on the honeymoon we didn't do much BDSM, but once we were home and finally alone again, we started talking. We discussed what we both like and don't like (again---you can never do it too much) and we discussed how lately I haven't been feeling "dominated" even when he tries. We talked about the instances that something has worked for me and we decided that if he tries to move too fast, the domination doesn't work---it's when he starts slowly and builds up that I eventually begin to feel submissive. This was a good breakthrough for us, since I'm not terribly submissive naturally and I want to feel like I'm made to give in more than anything. Those times he just jumps on me and tries to force me, I get repulsed and turned off. Likewise, the times he only ties me up or messes with my head for 10 to 15 minutes, I feel bored and angry. What we discovered was that, when he ties me up and is mean to me for 45 minutes to an hour, then I finally start to slip into submissive space. I used to be able to get there on the phone with him from France just by his voice, but I haven't experienced it much lately since I've been living with him, and we both miss it.
So in the end, I don't have any hot and wild stories of unbridled passion to tell, but I can say that we are now a married Christian couple who finally have the sexual freedom with each other to fully explore the aspects of BDSM we only played around with before. And we have had some very good conversations about our successes and disappointments in the area of BDSM before.
I hope everyone's Christmas and holidays were wonderful and maybe your stockings were filled with naughty things! Au revoir!
The wedding is over, the semester is over, and the holidays are over. What this means is, I'm happily sitting at home with some of that oh-so-rare commidity, free time, on my hands. Hurray!
My new hubby is out in the snow after church, buying paint since he painted over the wall in the wrong color. We've had some newly-married conflicts over much smaller things than that ("Why didn't your new wife make it into your Facebook status update?! Am I not as important as Cancun? Huh?!) but I am proud to say that in this situation, I was calm and collected. We have taken down the photos from the living room to put up a large piece of artwork by the genius Elizabeth Chapman (my wedding gift to my Dom) but there were still some holes in the wall. Unfortunately, he mudded and painted over them with the wrong color. Ooops.
Anyway, I have to say that married life has been nice. It's nice to light our Unity Candle before we have sex and know that now, finally, we are in a place in our lives where we can enjoy each other sexually without that guilt that comes from knowing you aren't honoring God as fully as you should in your lives. It's nice to experience orgasms and not feel like they're forbidden. Now, we're just doing exactly what God wants for married couples!
We've been talking about BDSM, although we didn't play around with it much on our honeymoon. I think my Dom wanted to, but I didn't feel comfortable enough with it since we were having "real sex" for the first time. (Yes, there are still Christians in the world who wait til marriage to have intercourse, even if we gave in to sin in other areas.) That coupled with my past sexual issues made me VERY unwilling to feel "raped", at least so far. Maybe eventually I'll get there. To my Dom, raping me vaginally sounds just as hot as raping me with his fingers or a vibrator, but I'm not there yet. And he's been very loving and patient about it.
So anyway, on the honeymoon we didn't do much BDSM, but once we were home and finally alone again, we started talking. We discussed what we both like and don't like (again---you can never do it too much) and we discussed how lately I haven't been feeling "dominated" even when he tries. We talked about the instances that something has worked for me and we decided that if he tries to move too fast, the domination doesn't work---it's when he starts slowly and builds up that I eventually begin to feel submissive. This was a good breakthrough for us, since I'm not terribly submissive naturally and I want to feel like I'm made to give in more than anything. Those times he just jumps on me and tries to force me, I get repulsed and turned off. Likewise, the times he only ties me up or messes with my head for 10 to 15 minutes, I feel bored and angry. What we discovered was that, when he ties me up and is mean to me for 45 minutes to an hour, then I finally start to slip into submissive space. I used to be able to get there on the phone with him from France just by his voice, but I haven't experienced it much lately since I've been living with him, and we both miss it.
So in the end, I don't have any hot and wild stories of unbridled passion to tell, but I can say that we are now a married Christian couple who finally have the sexual freedom with each other to fully explore the aspects of BDSM we only played around with before. And we have had some very good conversations about our successes and disappointments in the area of BDSM before.
I hope everyone's Christmas and holidays were wonderful and maybe your stockings were filled with naughty things! Au revoir!
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